To honour the Huffington Post’s shameful realisation of Poe’s Law,* my very own listicle.

1. Fuddruckers
I don’t know what this is, but it sounds dirty.

2. Sorry
You’re not sorry, stop saying sorry.

3. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams
Things that were popular in the eighties.

4. Cavalier 
Sounds like caviar, annoying by association.

5. Sign language
I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. 

6. The menu at Starbucks 
These guys need to consult an Italian-English dictionary, srsly. 

7. Bible
Wtf does this even mean?

8. Have fun
Don’t tell me what to do. 

9. Moist
Ew. 

10. Finland
Tbh, I couldn’t tell you where to find Finland on a map.

11. Emily
I just really hate that bish. 

12. Engelbert Humperdinck
I can’t even.

Hearts and handshakes.

*Poe’s Law: An internet adage which states that, without a clear indicator of the author’s intent, it is impossible to distinguish satire from the real thing.